He's Not A Sidekick, He's A Minion
by Eternal She-Wolf
Summary: Harley meets the Avengers. Not everyone is equally impressed. Final part of the Kidnapping Is A Bad Thing, Tony series.


**This is the final instalment of the _Kidnapping Is A Bad Thing, Tony_ series. I wanted to thank you all for being so patient while I kind of lost interest in this series and in the Avengers fandom as a whole. And really, thank you so much for all the reviews and love you sent me for the previous two stories. I felt so awful every time someone told me they loved it and I was so disinterested in writing more, that you eventually shamed me back into finishing this series.**

**I'm not too sure about this one, because I love Harley to bits but he is incredibly difficult to write. I can only hope I've done him justice.**

* * *

Harley steps out of the elevator and comes face to face with a mountain of blond and muscles .

No, he thinks as he squints upwards, that's definitely Thor. Wow, Tony wasn't kidding when he said Thor's biceps were probably thicker than Harley's torso.

Thor doesn't seem to realize he's about to step on Harley, though, so Harley waves and says, "Hey. I'm down here, you know."

Thor does a double-take and peers down at him, seemingly baffled.

Harley helpfully gestures for him to move out of the way.

"Can I actually come into the room ? Y'know, if you move ?"

Thor looks troubled, and frowns.

"Are you youngster allowed to roam these halls ? It seems to me that the Man of Iron greatly values his privacy and would not allow anyone to enter his fortress."

"Oh, sure," Harley assures him. "We're friends. He gave me the access codes."

Immediately Thor relaxes and yeah, he does sort of look like a puppy. Tony was totally right. He gestures Harley forwards, and ushers him down a series of corridors, before opening a door. Harley resists the urge to tell him he knows the way.

Tony's living room is full of Avengers.

Okay, he knew what he was getting into, was sort of expecting it, but it still is all kinds of intimidating. He puts on his best Disinterested Tony Face and walks in.

"Hi." He offers when all heads turn his way and, for good measure, offers up a jaunty little wave (which he may or may not have practiced in front of a Tony Stark PR video. Harley's not admitting to anything).

He actually makes it halfway through the room before Hawkeye asks, "Why is there a kid in the tower ?"

He looks up and scowls, and realizes maybe he didn't plan his route out carefully enough, because Black Widow's sitting a couple of feet away from him, oiling her knives. She doesn't say anything, but she's watching him expressionlessly from under her long lashes. She'd be kinda pretty if she wasn't, you know. Terrifying.

He choses the better part of valor and directs his scowl at Hawkeye, who arches an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. Damn. Harley's wanted to learn how to do that for ages.

"None of your business."

"He is here to see Tony !" Thor volunteers helpfully, grinning at Harley. Curious how that makes everyone shift alertly. It's Tony's tower, after all, who would he be here for ? Them ? Ha. Not likely.

"I'm authorized to be here, you can ask Jarvis, so I'm going to go and see Tony. Thank you so much for your attention." He makes a mock curtsy, but before he can escape there's a huge hand around his arm. He looks up and Captain America's holding him – not hurting him, but it doesn't seem like he's going anywhere soon.

"Hey !"

"Young Harley is indeed allowed here," Jarvis injects smoothly, his crisp British accent resonating around the room. "Sir has personally given him complete access to all the premises, and is inordinately fond of him. He would also probably resent your treatment of him, Captain Rogers."

Captain America frowns, but doesn't let go. The Hulk – Doctor Banner, right, according to Tony he's pretty sensitive about that – has taken off his glasses and is glancing back and forth between Captain America and Harley.

"Young assassin, you think ?" Black Widow asks Hawkeye conversationally. Harley's eyes go wide, but before he can protest, the archer shakes his head.

"Total access, remember ?"

Black Widow shrugs. "Doesn't mean anything. Stark knew I was a spy and still let me live with him."

"True."

At which point Harley decides he's had enough, and kicks Captain America in the shin. He immediately lets go of Harley's arm, and clutches at his shin, swearing under his breath and glaring at Harley. Across from him, Black Widow and Doctor Banner sit up straighter, and she looks at Harley with renewed interest. Harley glares up at Captain America.

"Thanks so much for your help. Since I _do_ know the way to Tony's room, you'll excuse me."

Captain America immediately steps up and blocks his way. Harley gives him Tony's You-Are-A-Moron glare. He has the good grace to look flustered.

"Look – we just can't let an unknown child wander around Tony's place. Especially after recent events. We're trying to keep him safe -"

Harley scoffs.

"You mean after his last kidnapping. Bang-up job you're doing of keeping him safe."

The room goes very, _very_ still.

Score one for Harley. He may be short, but that makes hitting under the belt easier.

Black Widow's still looking at him consideringly. She opens her mouth – and is interrupted by Pepper's arrival.

"Harley !" She exclaims, her smile creasing her face and the corners of her eyes, and she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. She crosses the room with swift strides, and hugs him, before pulling back and pecking his forehead. "It's been so long ! Tony will be so glad to see you !"

Out of the corner of his eye, Harley can see the Avengers stiffen at the confirmation and grins interiorly. Ha. Score two for him.

"Is he awake ?"

Pepper smiles at him.

"And bored. I've got to run, but do go in. I think he could use the distraction."

"Is Rhodey around ?"

Okay, so he's dropping names. Sue him. He really, _really_ wants to rub it in that he's allowed here. Pepper gives him a secret smile, like she knows exactly what he's doing and is amused by it – okay, she probably does and is. Still, she winks at him and plays along.

"He'll drop by tonight. Will you still be here ?"

He nods.

"I told my mom I'd be gone at least a couple of days."

He can almost _hear_ the cogs working inside Black Widow's head.

Pepper nods back cheerfully.

"I'll see you later then." She kisses him on the cheek and walks out like a queen on those stilettos that make Harley's mom drool.

He very maturely resists the urge to stick his tongue out at the Avengers. Instead, he just crosses his arms and grins smugly.

"Who are you ?" Black Widow asks, very carefully and neutrally, and he's proud of who he is, of who Tony is to him, so he says :

"Tony's kid."

It's pretty satisfying to see their jaw hit the floor, and he positively _saunters_ out of the room.

The last thing he hears as he walks out is "Yeah, that's Tony's kid alright.".

He grins.

Score three for him, and game over.

He finds Tony in his room, lying on his bed with a tablet. He's a little pale and bruised, and the cast on his left arm is pretty intimidating, but he looks a whole lot better than the photographs released a couple of days ago, so that's okay. He catches sight of Harley and beams.

"If it isn't my favorite little minion ! Come here !"

He gives Harley a one-armed hug, and Harley slumps besides him and stares interestedly at his tablet.

"I'm not a minion. I'm a least a sideckick."

Tony scoffs.

"Please. You want to be a sidekick, you should at least exceed four foot tall."

Harley glares at him.

"I helped you fix your armor. _And_ I gave you the idea to put retroreflectors on it. _And_ I even made you a sandwich. I deserve sidekick status at the very least."

"But you come into my lab and obey my every order like a good little minion because you are awed by my genius. Right ?"

"I hate you so much right now."

Tony has the gall to _laugh_ at him.

They sit side by side in companionable silence for a while, Harley fiddling with the edge of the cover, until he finally blurts out:

"So I met the Avengers. In your living-room."

Tony snorts from underneath the arm flung over his face.

"Yeah. They've been camping out there. How'd it go?"

Harley fidgets a little.

"They may be, uh, under the impression that I'm your illegitimate son."

Tony lifts his arm to stare at him incredulously.

"And I may have kicked Captain America in the shin? Just a little, though."

Tony lets his arm drop back over his face. It takes Harley a few seconds to understand the muffled noises and shaking are actually repressed laughter, and he starts giggling too. Within seconds, they're both laughing so hard, Harley actually falls off the bed.

When they've gotten their breath back, Tony gasps, "Jarvis? Whatever Harley's allowance is, I want you to double it." and starts laughing all over again.

Harley squeaks and slaps Tony on the arm. "You can't do that!"

"Actually, I can. And when Pepper gets home, remind me to ask her if we can keep you. I've never had an actual guard puppy!"

"It's not that funny." Harley sulks. "He had it coming."

Tony's hand is gentle on his hair.

"I'm sure he had. Look, I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to do what you did. Seriously, you just fulfilled one of my fantasies. But all of them – they're probably going to be around for some time, so you might want to make up with them."

Harley stubbornly clings to the remains of his anger.

"They didn't take good care of you. They let you get kidnapped." It's going to be a long time before he forgets those ten days in which the media went crazy with speculation as to what had happened to Iron Man, and the photographs that were leaked in which Thor literally had to carry Tony out of the building (which may or may not be the reason Thor is his favorite Avenger so far. Except for Tony of course).

Tony looks more sympathetic than Harley knew he was able to.

"It's not really their fault. I get kidnapped a lot."

Harley raises his chin and meets his eye.

"How would you feel if it were me that had been kidnapped? Or Pepper?"

Tony goes very pale. He sucks in a breath, and covers his eyes with his hand. After a minute or so, he looks up.

"Okay, so I guess I see it. It sucks from your side."

"It sucks from _both_ sides." Harley insists. "Kidnappings are a Bad Thing, Tony." He makes sure to emphasize the capitals, because Tony understands abusive capitalisation like no one over twelve should, and that's all kinds of awesome. "No more kidnappings, alright?"

Tony smiles at him – a weary, wan sort of smile, but a very real one.

"No more kidnappings, kid."

"Promise?" He sounds childish. He doesn't care.

"Promise." Tony leans down and shakes his hand. Harley latches onto his neck and hugs him.

"You do know they're spying at the door, don't you?" he whispers into Tony's ear, and feels more than sees the answering smile.

"Then let's give them something to gossip about."

Harley yelps as Tony swings him around, and laughs as they push the door open.

* * *

**So here we are - we've come full circle. Writing Harley was difficult. I tried to write him a little like young Tony, beacause Tony has great influence over him and he's also very smart, but I toned it down a little. Once again, thank you so much for your support!**


End file.
